


A Child’s Fairytale

by WhiteWolfCub (SilverWolfCub)



Series: Bounty Hunters [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Bounty Hunters, Dream just wants to blow shit up, Fluff, Gen, George knows potions, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Phil has tnt, Sapnap the arsonist, Techno likes symbolism to much, Tommy and Tubbo are there for the ride, Violence, Wilbur is a dirty crime boy who sings, a little psychopath if you ask me, and can flirt, and worries to much, he also hates the government, he just wants to be taken seriously, he’s actually homeless too, kinda medieval, no beta we die like men, soldier poet king
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:46:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28961913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverWolfCub/pseuds/WhiteWolfCub
Summary: A book that tells the tale of six bounty hunters. Or does it really?They really need to stop keeping secrets from the two of them...
Series: Bounty Hunters [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2168013
Comments: 12
Kudos: 175





	A Child’s Fairytale

The pub was loud and bustling in the late evening, filled with the sounds of joyful shouting and laughter. It rang across the town, carrying in the wind. By the time it reached the inn the sound was muffled but still warm. It made those that hear it smile, even if they’re not quite sure why they’re smiling.

“Where’d you get that?”

“Stole it from the library.” A boy answered, leaning the book against the inn’s bed and backing up. The book cover was something from a little kid’s fantasy, covered in knights and castles and swords. The boy grinned at his best friend. “Come on, I’ll read it for you.”

The other boy thought about it for a few seconds before nodding. “Sure!”

Tommy grinned, opening the book. “This better be cool!”

He started reading aloud, the sounds of the pub filtering into their imaginations.

_ There will come a soldier _

_ Who carries a mighty sword _

He grinned, leaning against the side of a building and looking around. Villagers passed him with little to no trouble. With his posture and smile, no one would've paid him any mind.

If not for the sword strapped to his side.

"It's mostly seen here." Another hunter, Phil, said. He pointed to the building he was leaning on. "The vex haunts this building, apparently."

"And the evoker?" The first man, Sapnap, asks. "If we don't get them, they'll just summon more."

"I'll go look for the evoker." Phil decided, hand resting on his own sword. "Can you handle the vex?"

He's never fought a vex before, so he didn't really know. He wasn't going to tell Phil that, though. Phil was the best of the best, a bounty hunter who's made a name for himself. Sapnap wanted to- no,  _ needed to _ impress him. "Of course."

He really wishes the rest of his group came into town with him. George and Dream were waiting outside of town with the rest of Phil's group- they always did that when there was a bounty in town. It took up less beds in the inns and helped them surprise their bounties. It was more work, but easier too.

Phil chuckled and patted his shoulder, moving passed him. "Happy huntings."

Something in his stomach twisted in anxiety. "Happy huntings."

  
  


Sapnap was, by no means, doubting his own abilities. He was one of the best fighters on the continent, no doubt about it. He could handle himself quite well, whether it's against a mob, human, or group. He wasn't concerned about that. No, that wasn't it.

He sighed, staring at the building in front of him. Night had fallen and the streets were empty. Sounds of laughter and muffled chatter came from the pub across town. The abandoned building that housed the vex, though, was quiet.

No, he wasn't worried about his own safety. He just didn't want to make a complete fool of himself in front of Phil- a seasoned hunter, a  _ veteran. _ He couldn't. His and Phil's group haven't been traveling together for long, so this is the first time both he and Phil hunted a town together. He couldn't mess this up.

His hand brushed the handle of his sword, gripping it and pulling it out. The blue blade glistened, and Sapnap whispered an enchanted word- watched the blade burst into flames. They licked at the air and danced and twisted about and Sapnap took a second to feel it's warmth, to ground himself, before going inside.

The vex was there almost instantly.

It didn't hold back- biting and scratching and it had a  _ knife, _ slicing at him and nicking him several times. He yelped and swung, the flames trailing after his sword. The blade barely missed the vex, who flew through a wall to dodge. "Come on, let's make this easy for both of us, yeah?"

The vex snarled and shot toward him, blade nicking his cheek, an inch under his eye. His own sword caught the edge of the vex's wing, causing it to fall. The vex shrieked, and suddenly there were  _ more, _ swarming around him with tiny knives and swords and he tried to keep them away but he was quickly crowded and pushed out, back onto the street.

Sapnap huffed, muttering an enchanted word and extinguishing his sword. He could hear the vexes inside the house, hissing and laughing at him. He glared, making his way to the door only to find it firmly shut.

He couldn't get in.

"Come on!" The first time he gets to hunt with only Phil and he has to deal with vexes! Just his luck! He kicked the door in frustration, sitting down and thinking. It was still early into the night- he had the entire night to figure this out. He could do this, and if he gets all of the vexes not only will Phil be impressed, but Dream and George and everyone else will be too.

It was tiring, being the youngest hunter in the group. While it wasn't too big of a deal most times, the others did treat him differently- like they didn't believe he could handle bounties on his own. Maybe when they first started hunting, when he was 15, that was right, but that was years ago and times have changed. If he takes out a pack (flock? gaggle? what's a group of vexes?) of vexes then the others won't be able to say  _ anything _ anymore.

Well, that's if he could even do it. He couldn't even get  _ inside _ the building.

He groaned, hand clenching his sword. He muttered under his breath and the sword lit up again, fire spreading across the blade and heating his face. He stared at the flames, watched as they reached for him.

Oh,  _ idea. _

Sapnap turned, taking the sword in both hands and stabbing it into the wood of the building, driving it deep into the wall. The flames from the sword quickly spreads to the building. He pulls the sword out, backing up to watch the building completely catch.

There's a loud hissing from inside, and he sees multiple vexes burn to death inside the fire. The ones that don't race out, claws and knives extended and wanting blood.

He would be scared, in any other situation. But with the great billowing fire from the building and his own sword in hand, he could do nothing but smile as they came.

He cut through them all, one by one, with graceful swings and a steady hand. By the time he was done the fire had spread, catching onto some of the other buildings, and the village was waking up in a panic.

Sapnap didn't move, sword in hand as he watched the fire. His eyes were foggy, as if he didn't quite get what everyone was worried about.

He watched the fire for the rest of the night, staring at the burning town and wondering what the other hunters would think of him now.

_ He will tear your city down,  _

_ oh lei-oh lai-oh Lord _

"This is what happens when you set fire to random buildings."

Sapnap frowned, looking dejected. "I was trying to get the vexes."

"Well, you got them." Phil sent him a look. "As well as the entire library and half of the town."

The fire had spread and caught several houses in its wake, tearing through the town until a thunderstorm stoked the flames. Sapnap looked ashamed. "I just- I wanted to help you out. The others aren't coming into town, I didn't want you to deal with it all alone."

"And look at where it got you." Phil sighed, gesturing to his cell. The villagers, after the fire was out, promptly found him, roughened him up, and then threw him in jail. Luckily, Phil's got a key. "Come on, we're going."

"Sorry." The younger man apologized, sulking. He blinked, surprised, when Phil looked him over after he left the cell. "What?"

"You're beat to high hell, Sap." He murmured. "Just checking you over." Once they made it outside, Phil turned back to him, ruffling the younger man's hair. "Go back to the others, let Wilbur and George look at you. I'll finish up here."

"But-"

"You've helped enough." Phil assured, hand on his shoulder. "Honestly, vexes are more annoying than the actual evoker. Don't worry, I'll be back soon."

Sapnap looked like he wanted to say something, before he nodded and walked out of town, into the nearby forest. Phil sighed, looking around the empty streets. 

It was just him now, and evokers are no easy targets.

Truthfully, he was angry. Angry at the entire town. They had made the bounty in the first place, but when Phil and Sapnap arrived they had acted strange about it. Phil thinks he knows the reason for that, which isn't good, because it means no saving them.

Did he even want them to be saved, after what happened to Sapnap? He could handle himself, but as the oldest out of the entire group he still felt like it was his responsibility to keep the other man safe. He had failed, terribly, and he  _ did not _ want to see the look on Dream's or George's face if they thought he was to blame.

  
  


The thing about evokers is that they are _ very _ good with spells of all types. They have a wide range of knowledge and they can completely change the world around them.

Take villagers for example. An evoker, with enough time, can turn an entire village into pillagers. And once they reached a certain point, there was no going back. No reset or reverse switch, the villagers were gone forever.

Phil knew that moment had already passed. He knew the villagers were all gone. No normal villager would beat up a man before they threw him in jail. No, these villagers were long gone.

Soon, the newly turned pillagers will leave the village and find another one to attack. The evoker will go and do the exact same thing.

Phil had to stop it here, before it spreads, which meant-

They found him in the town square, hand resting in the water at the fountain. The half villager half pillager group immediately drew weapons. "Get out of here, human!" One snarled.

"I will." He promised. "After your leader comes out of hiding."

The creatures growled, frowning. "Drop your weapons first."

Phil shrugged, taking his sword and throwing it forward. The blade gleamed in the dark, made of netherite (it took ten bounties worth of money to get enough for his sword). "Alright evoker, ready to show yourself?"

As if timed, the evoker appeared, a woman with long braided hair. "Leave, human." She said, glaring. "If you know what's best for you."

"But how do I know you're not going to leave and do this to another town?" Phil asked, leaning against the fountain. "How can I leave without ensuring the safety of others?"

She narrowed her eyes, taking a step forward. "I know who you are, bounty hunter. We both know you're not that noble."

"I'm not." Phil's hand snuck deeper into the water, pushing down a button hidden at the bottom. "I just needed you to walk a little closer."

The evoker paused, confused, before the ground tilted below them and a field of white overtook his vision. The sounds of screams and earth shattering cracks and explosions shook his eardrums. When he could finally see the entire town was _ gone, _ destroyed in the explosion. All that was left behind was a crater and the fountain Phil stood at, just outside the blast zone.

The man didn't celebrate, dropping down into the crater and picking up his sword, only slightly damaged from the explosion. He looked at his reflection in the blade before sighing, putting it back where it belonged.

With the vexes burned to ashes and the evoker exploded, there was nothing they could turn in for the bounty. Phil didn't care- they had let an entire town get turned into pillagers. They didn't deserve the bounty this time.

He walked along the ruins of the town, not once looking back. Not once seeing all the destruction he caused. He didn't need to look- it wasn't pretty, but it was necessary.

The only company he had walking back to the others was the sounds of the birds whistling overhead.

_ Oh lei, oh lai, oh lei, oh Lord _

_ He will tear your city down, oh lei-oh lai-oh Lord _

“That’s the last bounty in this area. Want to head south?”

"How about we take a break for a bit? We did just blow up a whole village."

_ "You _ blew up a whole village. If anyone comes after us, they'll be after  _ you two." _

"And you'd let them take us?"

"Absolutely-"

"-not, shut up."

"That's why we should head south. If we cross the kingdom border then it won't matter."

"This place has a terrible record anyway, they'll forget about us by the time we finish down there."

"Seems like a plan to me."

“Wait, there’s a town east of here that’s having problems with some pillagers and a witch. We should check that out first, you know? Save some helpless people.”

"You are not one for randomly saving helpless people."

“You just want to meet that famous bard, don’t you?”

“No, well- maybe.”

“They have an apothecary there that I actually want to check out anyway.”

“Okay, east we go then."

"Wrapped around his finger, you're completely wrapped around his finger."

"Fuck off, we need to make a pit stop for supplies anyway. Just try not to destroy any towns this time.”

“No promises.”

_ There will come a poet _

_ Whose weapon is his word _

A man holding a lute skipped through the town, smiling and waving at each person he passed. He tossed an emerald to a baker and grabbed the loaf of bread in his hand, ducking under a group of people and slipping past another crowd. He laughed and hummed and took a sharp turn.

After a few more minutes of fluttering through crowds, he made his way to the inn and slipped inside. A group of pillagers jostled the other inn goers, causing a ruckus. He ignored them, strumming his lute and sliding into an open seat.

"He said your words are as vile as your breath." He relayed, lying easily as he broke off a piece of bread, popping it in his mouth. 

"He did  _ what?!" _ The pillager he sat next to, the leader of this group, growled. "That scheming little-"

"Not a happy guy." The man, Wilbur, hummed, plucking at a string. "He's planning a coup d'état, you know. Wants complete control over the pillagers."

The leader snarled. "After  _ everything _ we've done to make this a real pillaging group!"

Wilbur sighed, patting his shoulder. "It's real betrayal." He said solemnly. "He can't get away with this."

"He can't." The leader murmured, eyes filled with anger. "We can't let this insurrection continue."

"You can't." Wilbur agreed calmly. "You have to make an example of him." 

The leader sighed, rubbing his forehead. "I am lucky to have found you, bard." He said after a moment, placing a hand on Wilbur's shoulder. "You've been invaluable."

Wilbur's smile hid his amusement. "I only wish for your safety."

Minutes later Wilbur was found across town, playing a soft tune for another group of pillagers. "He's planning to kill you."

The leader of the other group frowned. "Why? We've been allies for a year now- our power is unmatched together." He spread his arms, as if to prove his point. "We've taken over this entire town together!"

Wilbur shrugged, voice steady. "He wants more power, I reckon. He's planning to attack at your meeting tonight."

The leader huffed. "Like he can take  _ me _ out!"

"But what if you're injured?" Wilbur asks, tone genuine, hair hiding his amused eyes. "He might not play fair. You should arm your men. Prepare for the worst."

"Yes..." The leader said slowly. "I… we should prepare. Men!" He turned to the other pillagers. "If I am to fall in battle, I expect you all to avenge me and destroy them!"

As the men shouted their cheers and agreement Wilbur smirked, dark look hidden behind his hair.

They met in the pub later that night. Wilbur was waiting inside, face covered with a hood as he sang for the bargoers. As more pillagers appeared more of the townspeople disappeared. His songs went softer and softer as the last townspeople left.

By the time night fell everyone besides one of the leaders had appeared, sitting in a tense silence as they waited. Wilbur ordered a drink from the nervous bartender.

The last pillager leader slammed the door open. He had a crossbow in hand, already pulled back. With one hand he pointed it at the other leader and fired. "This is the punishment for your betrayal!"

It went straight through his heart.

Chaos erupted in the pub.

Wilbur watched as tables were overturned and blood was spilled. He kept singing his song, as injured pillagers ran away as others started killing everyone in sight, friend or foe. He watched and hummed and sipped on his drink until there was only one pillager left alive.

"Congratulations!" He stood up, obviously surprising the pillager. It looked like he was about to attack, but the pillager realized he wasn't one of them and paused. "You're the lucky man who made it out alive. Good job!"

The pillager narrowed his eyes. "Why are you so familiar?"

"Well, why wouldn't I be?" Wilbur grinned, pushing down his hood and finishing his drink. "I mean, I've been pitting your two leaders against each other for the last two days. Pillagers are  _ so _ dimwitted- it's almost boring how easy it is to get you to turn on each other."

It took the pillager a second to understand. "You… bard… lied?"

Wilbur threw him a grin, stepping passed piling up corpses to get to one of the leaders. "Well, you did your job perfectly- you can leave now, if you want. Get out of town before they beat you to death. I've got a bounty to cash in-"

The pillager didn't let him finish, screaming in anger and charging him. His blood covered hands grabbed him by the neck, pushing him back into the wall. "My clan!" The pillager cried. "You destroyed my clan!"

"Your  _ clan _ was occupying an innocent village without their permission." Wilbur didn't look even slightly worried, which enraged the pillager even more. "I guess you won't take my offer to live. Alright then. Bartender?"

There was a second of silence, and then something shattered against the back of the pillager's head and he fell to the ground. The scared bartender from before dropped the broken glass, frantically grabbing an arrow from the ground and stabbing the pillager through the neck.

"Brutal." Wilbur commented, blinking at the shaking townsman before standing straight and going back towards the leader's body. "Sorry about the mess, I bet the town will help you clean it up."

Five minutes later found him fiddling with his lute again, the heads of the two pillager leaders strapped to his belt. The bartender was still there, staring at the carnage as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"Oh, uh, question." Wilbur snapped him out of his daze. "Where's the resident bard's house?"

_ He will slay you with his tongue,  _

_ oh lei-oh lai-oh Lord _

“I don’t normally do this, you know.”

George’s smile was one filled with amusement and knowing, like the two were playing chess instead of eating, and he had just gotten check. He raised his glass to his lips and took another drink. “Likewise. Especially not with someone like you.”

The woman in front of him was breathtakingly beautiful, but that’s not what George was talking about. She seemed to realize that, too. She laughed anyway, a kind of breathy laugh that would’ve given George a different impression, if he was anyone else. “You’re too kind, I’m just like every other lady in this village.”

A lie, one that fell off her lips so easily that George didn’t even have to pretend to believe her that hard. “Oh, we both know that’s not true.” He raised his glass. “Someone as beautiful as you could never be so common.”

The woman giggled and took a drink from her glass. George hid his own smirk behind his drink. “I’d mistake you for a bard,” When they locked eyes, hers were dark. She finished her glass. “For how you express yourself.”

His mind went to Wilbur, and this time his smile was genuine. “I’ll take that as a compliment. But tell me, how are you feeling?”

“How I’m feeling?” The woman frowned, confusion clouding her face. “Why-”

She choked, silverware falling out of her hands. Her fingers touched her eyelids, body tensing as she looked around blindly. “I-I can’t- I can’t  _ see!” _

“Ah, that’s the first symptom of the poison,” George said idly, crossing his legs and leaning back in his seat. “Spider’s eye is surprisingly potent, and fatal. You have, eh… 2 minutes left before organ failure.”

“What?!” The woman screeched, lunging for him. He barely flinched as the woman grabbed his collar. “Why?! What’s the antidote?!”

“You know why.” His voice was cold for a moment, before going back to a bored indifference. “And there is an antidote. I’ll give it to you, for a price.”

“Anything!” She was shaking, as if she didn’t deserve it, for what she’s done to this village. “What do you want? Money? Power? Servants?  _ Please!” _

George sighed, taking out a vial of green liquid and dropping it into her hand. “Just money will do.”

The woman cried in what sounded like relief, but George knew it was anger. Anger for being tricked, most likely. The witch probably hasn’t been in danger for a long time- ever since she took over the town. “Thank you!”

She uncapped the vial and swallowed it in one gulp.

The screaming started immediately.

“Oh.” George looked at his fingernails, barely paying attention. “I lied, earlier. That was just a blindness potion. What you just took, though, was actually poison.”

The witch’s skin started turning grey, as if losing life. As she died, the witch started reverting back into its actual form. He locked eyes with the dying creature one more time before she slumped to the floor and breathed her last breath.

Ha, Wilbur's going to _ love _ this story- it was always the two of them attracting the most attention due to their faces. It happened to the others, sure, but nowhere near as much. Wilbur's been saying for a while now that he should use it to his advantage. Surprisingly, it had worked.

The hunter sighed, standing up and looking around. As the witch died and her magic withered, the room started transforming. Cobwebs and dust appeared on the ceiling and floors- it was obvious that no one had lived here in a long time. George rolled his eyes and took out his axe.

He knew from the beginning that the witch was luring him to this cottage, away from the village to a remote location. Probably to either kill him for human ingredients or to sacrifice him to a demon. What the witch didn’t know was that he knew who she was. And that she had a bounty on her head.

It was a good thing the witch believed him, too. Poison had too different of a color to put into a glass, unlike blindness, so it'd be almost impossible to slip it in somewhere. He'd have to get her to drink it herself. Luckily, she did just that, believing in words that were laced with lies.

He bent over, swinging down and chopping her head off. His hand grabbed onto the witch’s brittle locks, and he left the abandoned cottage, dragging the bleeding head behind him.

_ Oh lei, oh lai, oh lei, oh Lord _

_ He will slay you with his tongue, oh lei-oh lai-oh Lord _

“I don’t know why they were having so many problems with those pillagers. It took me, like, an hour at most to get rid of them.”

“2 days, actually, and you didn’t even kill them yourself, shut up.”

“Hey, I got the job done! That’s all that was asked of me.  _ And _ I didn’t fucking blow up a village while doing it.”

“Hey!”

“All of you, shut up, you're giving me a headache.”

"Oh, just a headache? At least you don't smell like a dead horny witch!"

"No one can resist your eyes, Gogy-"

“Anyway, time to head south. Unless you want to drool over a bard and apothecary for a little while longer.”

“Nah, I’m good. He was a prick anyway. Got all upset cause I tracked blood into his house.”

"You had two bloody heads dangling off your belt, Wilbur."

"He was too scared to sing in the pub anymore,  _ I _ gave him his job back!"

"He probably thought you were going to kill him."

"What was I gonna do, hit him over the head with my lute?"

"I've seen you do worse with that thing."

“...Moving on. The apothecary was burned down by that witch, so I don’t really care to stay either.”

“Good, let’s go. The next bounty has to deal with fake royalty in the kingdom past the desert.”

“Ugh, I hate the desert.”

“Stop whining.”

_ There will come a ruler _

_ Whose brow is laid in thorn _

While no one knew the man walking through the city's square, they all knew the man he was dragging behind him. The citizens of the kingdom watched as the king was tied up to a fountain placed in the middle of the square, whimpering pathetically. "P-please, I'll give you anything-"

"As someone who was royalty once, I know what that actually means." The man said, tying the rope tighter. The bag on his back clanged as he moved. "So you're going to have to try harder."

"What have I done to deserve this?!" The king shouts instead, and the man, Techno, shoots up so fast that it surprises everyone watching. "What-"

"Hmm, I don't know. Maybe it's because you're an usurper who not only killed the actual king and queen, but locked up their children and took the throne for yourself." He finishes tying him up, stepping back. The guards have finally arrived, completely surrounding the two but not getting any closer. "You didn't just kill them, either. You kept their heads as trophies." Techno shook his bag, and the objects inside clattered. The fake king went white. "Ah, you recognize that noise, don't you?"

"G-guards!" The fake king sputtered, struggling. He had been tied up with his arms straight out, his legs left to dangle uselessly. "Get him! Get  _ me _ out!"

The guards advanced but Techno just laughed. "This place is lined with TNT." He called out. "Be careful where you step."

The guards paused. They didn't move any farther.

"Now, as I was saying." He turned back to the king with a flourish. "Corrupt nobility who killed the real, kind rulers and took their place. That's a common story in old tales and myths, you know. And they all have the same ending."

Techno rested the blade of his sword against the fake king's neck. The king whimpered. "No-"

"Yes, actually." Techno cut him off. "They  _ do _ all end the same. The noble's head ends up on a pike, they throw them to the wolves, stone him to death, many different paths, all the same outcome. They die, and the real heir to the throne is put back in their place." Techno's eyes narrowed. "You locked up a five year old princess and a nine year old prince-  _ children. _ You killed their parents and locked them up. Do you think you deserve mercy?"

The citizens watching shifted nervously. Many had left, after they heard about the TNT buried in the ground. Those that still stayed were curious, and revolted. Those citizens were quietly taken away.

While it had been obvious in the past few years that life in the kingdom hasn't been the best, no one realized that it was the ruler's fault. Most thought that there was a drought in farming or their mines had started to empty. No one and realized the throne had been upsurted.

Techno had to give them props there. The best way to keep yourself in power without letting anyone know you forced yourself into power is by making small changes and blaming them on other things. Bigger parties require more grain? Say there was a drought or flood. Want more jewelry? Say the mines are running low. Pay off a few people and no one will ever know. He hated it when the corrupt were smart. They normally were.

"Everyone deserves mercy." The man's voice was small, like he didn't believe it himself. People were starving on the streets because of him, those who knew the truth were either paid or threatened into silence. If neither worked, they disappeared. The kingdom would fall if this continued, and those living inside of it might parish with it. Techno didn't like governments of any type, but the kingdom protected those that couldn't protect themselves, he didn't want it to fall and leave those people in danger.

"Everyone deserves to be avenged." Techno corrected, grabbing his bag and pulling it forward. "There are two people I think definitely deserve to be avenged."

Techno pulled a skull out of his bag. It was in surprisingly good condition- an off white color with no missing bones. The fake king gulped and Techno took out rope, tying it through the eye holes before wrapping it around one of the king's arms, leaving it sitting on top. "W-what-"

"Have you ever heard of a wither?"

The king screamed, as if worried he'd place an  _ actual _ one here. He almost snorted at the thought- there were way too many innocents here. Hopefully the others will get the civilians out of the area by the time Dream shows up. That could be bad if they're too slow.

"Don't!" The king begged. "You'll destroy the whole city!"

"Of course I won't." Techno took out another skull, doing the same thing to the king's other arm. "I just wanted to know if you knew what it was."

"W-why?"

Techno took a step back, looking at his work. With a skull on either side of the man's head, he imitated a wither almost perfectly.

"Because there's a little trick you can do with them." Techno grabbed a vial of soul sand out of his bag. "When a wither is made, it binds the souls of the skulls together using the soul sand. Souls stay connected to their skulls unless they get absorbed into soul sand. That means-" he pointed at the two skulls. "The king and queen's souls are still there."

The fake king whimpered again, glancing at both skulls. "W-what- does that mean?"

"It means-" He took some sand and spreads a bit of it onto each skull, including the fake king's head. "If you die in this position, with the soul sand on you, you'll be bonded with the souls of the two people you killed for all eternity."

The man's eyes widened. "No. No!"

"You'll have the rest of forever thinking about what you did." Techno raised his sword once more. He leveled it at the man's throat. "Everyone deserves to be avenged."

"Wait, no-"

He slit the man's throat. The fake king gagged for a split second, before he gurgled and died, blood running onto his fancy clothes.

Techno turned around to look at the guards, who were now staring. They weren't backing away, though. They probably still wanted to fight him.

On most days he'd be all for it. Today, he was just tired. 

Besides, they had rock paper scissors for who'd get to deal with the guards, and he lost, fair and square. He'll find some other way to satisfy his bloodlust- a feeling that always pricked at his head like a crown of thorns would. It would prick and puncture and make him bleed until he made others bleed. Then he'd clean it up and he'd be fine until the crown of thorns demanded more blood.

At least, for today, it would be satisfied with the death of one.

He sighed. "Not my job." There was the cracking of a pearl next to him and he turned. "Finally."

Dream gave him a look behind his mask. "I was busy."

"I just killed the fake king."

"Yeah yeah." Dream waved him away, glancing at the corpse before stepping forward. "I'm not even going to ask. I got it from here."

"Good." Techno turned and walked away. The guards stared at him as he passed, but no one attacked him. It was like they were too baffled to do anything.

He walked away from the square, leaving a dead man smeared with soul sand in his wake.

_ Smeared with oil like David's boy, oh lei-oh lai-oh Lord _

_ Oh lei, oh lai, oh lei, oh Lord _

"Finally, he's been obsessing over this for weeks now."

The guards turned to Dream. He didn't know if it was his demeanor or the fact that he hadn't just killed the king that allowed them to raise their weapons. 

He didn't really care. "Like, you guys have  _ no idea _ how much he hates any form of government. 'It always leads to corruption' yada yada yada. He's been studying the kingdom since we crossed the desert. It was insane- nothing we did could get him to take a break. I threw a fuckin  _ potato _ at him and he just thanked me for the food and went back to researching."

It occurred to Dream then that they  _ did _ want to kill him. He  _ almost _ forgot about that fact. The only thing holding them back was the TNT in the ground. "Oh, and Techno was lying about the TNT. The ground's completely safe."

That seemed to get some movement. The guards started shuffling forward. "You are under arrest for conspiring with the man who killed the king."

"You mean the fake king." Dream clarified. "The king who killed the real royals, imprisoned their kids, and got away with it for a whole 8 years. You know, I'm starting to think you guys are terrible at your job. You let the  _ first _ king get killed, and now the second one, too. You get a 2 out of 10 on the review boards for me."

They didn't like having a bad review. The knight's raised their weapons.

"Wait!" Dream raised his arms, still smiling. "I should probably say, before you attack, if you want to live, I'd leave."

Someone laughed. It started a chain reaction, and the guards stalked forward, much more sure in their steps now.

Ha, idiots.

Dream dug into his pocket and pulled out a redstone torch. He waved it in the air for a second, bopping the dead fake king on the nose before giving it a little flourish and setting it on the ground in front of him.

Nothing happened.

"Ha!" One of the guards said, laughing as Dream dug another item out of his bag. "You just said yourself that the other guy lied! There's no TNT-"

There was a  _ bang _ and a stick of dynamite fell from the sky, fuse lit and almost out. Dream grinned, biting into the enchanted golden apple he had just gotten from his bag. "Oops, maybe he wasn't lying."

The dynamite (which had been thrown via TNT cannon) exploded and the ground opened up underneath them as the hidden TNT went off, destroying the entire square, including where Dream was standing. Screams erupted from dying guards as debris tore into Dream's armor and clothes. It bounced off his skin though, like a marble might, and when the explosion was finished he sat in the crater by himself, the only survivor.

Well, him and the dead fake royal. Withers have an immune period when they're just created- Dream guessed that applied to symbolic ones too.

He wrinkled his nose at it. "They're going to turn you into a statue, I'm sure." He spoke to it, like it'd speak back. "The corrupt noble, killed by an old prince and left to be tormented for all eternity. You even survived a Phil level explosion- or was it a Dream level explosion and Phil just copied my techniques?" Dream shrugged. "Eh, either works."

He frowned and stepped closer, raising his hand and plucking the crown off of the dead man's head. The golden headpiece was encrusted with several sparkling gems- something fit for a true royal.

They could turn this in, to show they completed the bounty. Maybe they could sell it afterwards- or he could give it to Techno as a gift. He thinks the other man would like that. It'd be a  _ great _ gift, one the other man could never top, and then Dream would have something against him. The two fought in every way possible, being the best gift giver is tame compared to some of their other challenges.

(Forget about the withers forget about the withers  _ forget about the withers-) _

Yeah, that would work just fine.

He pocketed the crown and grabbed a pearl, throwing it up and out of the crater. The  _ entire city _ had been demolished (better than Phil's measly explosion-) and Dream would feel bad for the citizens if he didn't know the others had evacuated them while Techno was monologuing.

Hey, sometimes your job is to rescue people and sometimes you're bait. Sometimes you get to kill a fake king and sometimes you get to blow up a heavily populated city. He'll get what he can take.

Outside of the crater stood the rest of his party, waiting for him. Both Phil and Sapnap were carrying a sleeping child- George had slipped them sleeping potions so they wouldn't run off into the city when it exploded. They'll get an earful for it later, but they were safe and that's all that mattered.

"Took you long enough." Techno crossed his arms. Somehow the man had smeared some soul sand across his cheek. No one pointed it out. "We've been awkwardly waiting."

"You think everything's awkward." Dream snorted, pulling out the king's crown. "Anyway, look at what I found~"

"Ooo." Wilbur took a step forward, as if the shininess attracted him. "Is that for the bounty?" He held out a hand to take it.

Dream pulled his hand back, out of Wilbur's reach. "Nah ah, not for you. It's for the bounty. But for now, though-" he walked up to Techno, popping the crown on his head with a soft smile. "Techno can have it. He  _ was _ a prince, after all."

George snorted. "Simp!"

"Shut up." Quite the opposite, actually. Everyone else might see it as him simping, but he knows Techno understands.  _ Dream _ is winning the best gift contest now, and how is Techno  _ ever _ going to find something better than a fucking crown? He's got this one in the  _ bag. _

Techno did seem to realize, as he narrowed his eyes, glaring as he righten the crown on his head. "Where's a dragon egg when you need one?" He muttered, and while the others stood by in confusion Dream just laughed, flicking a piece of his pink hair out of the way. The crown really did fit him.

And as the sun fell below the horizon, the group of travelers turned away from the destroyed city, an invisible trail of blood smearing the ground in their wake.

_ Smeared with oil like David's boy, oh lei-oh lai-oh Lord _

_ Oh lei, oh lai, oh lei, oh Lord _

_ He will tear your city down, oh lei-oh lai... oh- _

Tommy closed the book, yawning against his will. He was tired  _ and _ excited, at the same time. "That was so cool!"

Tubbo was a little less tired than him, and actually bounced around. "They all went around and  _ saved _ people and it was amazing!"

"I wish I could do that!" The little boy yawned again, eyes shifting over to one of the beds in the inn. He wanted to sleep, but he also wanted to wait for the others. "Imagine us, Tubbo!"

"Yeah yeah yeah!" Tubbo nodded excitedly. "I think I'd be the poet and you'd be the soldier!"

"What, no!" Tommy frowned, crossing his arms. "I'd totally be the ruler! Imagine me, the manliest man ever! I'd have a crown and a red cape like he had in the book-"

"Surely not." Tubbo cut him off. "The ruler didn't have a cape or crown. He was wearing green and was faceless!"

Tommy's frown was laced with annoyance. "He definitely had a cape! He had a cape and he had withers, and the poet had a lute and the soldier had a green hat and TNT!"

"No!" Tubbo glared back. "The soldier could control fire and the poet wore goggles and used potions and the ruler was the one with the TNT!"

They stared at each other for a few more moments, before both seemingly gave up at the same time, too tired to care. It was well past their bedtime.

"We'll read it again in the morning." Tommy decided after a moment. "And we'll see who's right then!"

At that moment the doorknob jiggled, and both boys jumped up as it opened. Phil's stern face stood on the other side of the door, flushed slightly from his time at the pub. "I thought I told you boys to be in bed before the moon was halfway up the sky."

Both boys yelped, diving for their respective beds. "Sorry!" They chorused, almost in sync, before digging under the covers. Phil looked around, grabbing the book they were reading and thumbing through it for a moment. He sighed, putting the book down before blowing out the lantern light and closing the door.

It was silent for a few moments.

"Maybe Phil's the soldier." Tubbo whispered with a giggle.

"Nuh uh." Tommy hissed back, grinning. "It's totally Sapnap!"

The two went back and forth on the issue for another half hour, before sleep took them both. Outside their rooms, in front of the inn, stood six men, waiting patiently for the innkeeper to hand over the bounty for the siren that stalked the pub.

"Traveling together hasn't been as bad as I expected it to be." Techno shrugged, dropping his share of the emeralds into his pocket. "Tommy's enjoying it."

"When do you think they'll realize that we aren't merchants?" Sapnap chuckled softly, aware of how quiet the town was. It was hard, doing what they do while keeping it on the down low. It's one of the reasons why not all of them go into towns with bounties, why most of them stay back. They don't want to bring the younger ones into danger, where they'd be unaware of what's happening. This town, though, only had a single bounty and the siren only ever went to the pub- the inn was completely safe. 

"Soon." Phil promised. "Very soon. I walked in on them reading a book."

Wilbur gave him a questioning look. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"The book had, like, 20 total words in it. The rest of the pages were blank." Phil continued. "And I heard them before I opened the door. They were arguing over what the characters looked like, and they thought the characters in the book were heroes."

"Still isn't adding up, Phil."

"The book didn't have anything in it that would make them think that the characters were heroes, or that one character could control fire, another carried around a lute, and another was faceless." Phil finished, seeing realization dawn in their eyes. "They made it up themselves."

_ Oh lei, oh lai, oh lei, oh lai, oh lei, oh lai, oh lei, oh lai, oh! _

**Author's Note:**

> Me: *Writes the end of Dream's part* That's a little gay… aNyWaYs-  
> I hope you enjoyed! Comments are very much appreciated, since I've never written a fic like this before! Which part was your favorite? Mine was either George's or Wilbur's~


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